What? Who?

womp_rat @ 2009-03-23T08:45:00

2009-03-23T13:46:15Z

** Annual Live Journal Post **

womp_rat @ 2008-03-27T10:41:00

2008-03-27T15:41:37Z

** Annual Livejournal Post **

Sports Thoughts 8/8/07

2007-08-08T15:34:27Z

womp_rat @ 2006-10-12T13:30:00

2006-10-12T18:31:03Z

Insight on the Croc Hunter

2006-09-08T21:24:07Z

Did anyone ever stop to think that maybe Steve Irwin was actually murdered by Paul Hogan in a fit of jealousy?

We're Nerds

2006-08-08T21:47:50Z

The Big 3-0

2006-04-17T16:14:09Z

Guess which movie I saw this weekend!

If you guessed "none of the above" then you are correct. Instead I spent a lot of time at my sister's in-laws house eating polish food and in my apartment trying to figure out how to use this.

It's kind of a piece of crap with more RAM than many people's home PCs. The good thing is it's thin and fits in just about any pocket, backpack, or body cavity. My dad, who meant to take it to the Philippines, gave it to me as a birthday present because he couldn't figure out how to use it. So with this gift, I am commissioned to figure out how it works. I'm pretty sure it's not rocket science, seeing as a million schmucks walk around the city with those obnoxious white wires running from their ears, just sending a message to the world that they have something hidden on their bodies that you may just want to steal.

So the sports world gave me a pretty good birthday present this weekend. For one, the Bulls are in the playoffs, giving me at least another week of basketball to actually care about. This marks the first time the Bulls have had two consecutive playoff seasons since the Mike era.

Secondly the Cubs won. Hey, I'll take anything from these guys. I was expecting Glendon Rusch to give up six runs in the first inning, but he pitched a pretty good game. The Cubs took 2/3 from the Pirates.

Oh yeah... the Sox won too. But anyway...

I still hate clowns

2006-04-11T16:50:51Z

Have you ever seen a fat kid in eyeliner and black lipstick other than Ethan Suplee in The Butterfly Effect? I have and it's not pretty.

I have an important choice to make. If I were to see a movie tonight, which would it be? Keep in mind I no longer pay for my account so I am unable to make a poll.

1. Slither
It's just another sick disgusting B-movie horror flick that involves killer slugs. No, this isn't a remake of the Son of Svengoolie fodder called Slugs. Instead it's more of an homage to the 80's horror genre. In other words this movie is intentionally shitty, whereas most 80's horror flicks were shitty by accident.

2. Stay Alive
If World of Warcraft required you to stay alive or else you would die IRL, then I would never have gotten my money's worth. This movie got such bad reviews from critics and gamers alike, that I want to see it out of curiosity. This is the latest in the whole "modern technology as a gateway for evil" progression. I think it started when I saw Poltergeist. This was followed by films not many people heard of before like Terror Vision and Brainscan. Then we had The Ring, and the ever popular ripoff, fear.com, where we brought terror to the internet?

3. The Bench Warmers
Just in time for the baseball season. We're all tired of the whole "underdog kid sports" genre. How about pitting adults vs. a bunch of snotty kids on the baseball field?

And We're BACK!

2006-04-10T17:18:54Z

Ok, I'm starting to feel bad, seeing as incendiarymind misses me so much. I read everyone's crap, I just don't post anymore. So yes, I'm pretty much stalking you. I've been playing World of Warcraft way too much, and I guess that's why I don't write anymore. All my brain cells have been killed off in Alterac Valley and Zul'Gurub, and thus I have nothing to share.

Go Cubs, though! For those who actually care and actually know what I'm referring to, I will be keeping track of the new CF-O-Meter, where I will keep track of the two past and present opening day center fielders of the Chicago Cubs.

Corey Patterson
Avg. .100
Hit 1
BB 0
SO 3
SB 1

Juan Pierre
Avg .273
BB 7
SO 2
Hit 6
SB 0

As you can see, Corey Patterson, who know plays for the Balimore Orioles, has one more stolen base than Juan Pierre. I guess we really don't know what we're missing, as was the case with Sammy Sosa when HE was traded to the O's.

Again, I must apologize to the residents of Baltimore for dumping our garbage on you. I'm sure one day you will have the chance to return the favor.

womp_rat @ 2005-12-12T12:17:00

2005-12-12T18:28:22Z

My kitchen was on fire once.

I was on the phone with my girlfriend and she was telling me that she was breaking up with me. I was at the kichen sink washing dishes when she told me this. I noticed an orange glow rippling off of the wall in front of me. I turned around to see that a stack of newspapers was unwisely stacked on the kitchen table and had ignited after making contact with a candle.

I said, "I'll have to call you back later the kitchen is on fire."

This was about 10 years ago and to this day I don't think she believed me.

I don't know how to explain it, but this is a pretty good prelude to a rant about the Christmas shopping season. First of all let me point out that I don't care whether people say Christmas or Holidays or Kwanzaa or whatever. All I care about is making it out of the mall alive. It's 11 days until the shopping season ends, which means I will have to get a move-on. This year my family decided to go the grab-bag route since our family seems to be growing bigger and bigger and our pocket books are getting smaller and smaller. This should be easy, but unfortunately I have never seen so much snow in December in my life. It's technically not even winter yet. Driving through slush isn't the ideal way to go, especially when people forget to drive through it while becoming attuned to the summer. Put a little moisture on the ground and people forget how to drive.

Another thing I hate about shopping around this time is walking around in a crowded department store while wearing full winter garb. I need to move somewhere where I can wear shorts during the holidays.

io

2005-12-07T20:54:34Z

So what's new?

I finally have tabs on my neighbors, not including the cockroaches that allegedly live within the walls. I'm sure there's some poor fellow somewhere in the building who comes home to a nightly dance number by hundreds of German cockroaches. I'm talking about human neighbors. My next door neighbor is a smallish girl who is always wearing pink Cubs apparel. She has a dog who is almost her size. Downstiars lives the attractive nurse. She lives with either of the two men that live in the two units. One of them is a tall clean-shaven man, and the other is rugged and drives a pickup truck.

As for the roaches, I'm not positive that they exist. I've seen 3-4 in the last six months. If they do live here, then they seem to be leaving me alone. I've upturned furniture and spontaneously switched on the kitchen light, and never have I seen one roach skittering away. It doesn't stop me from being paranoid.

Also, I made bread for the first time.

Ding! I just leveled up my cooking skill.

womp_rat @ 2005-09-21T11:55:00

2005-09-21T16:55:35Z

Why do I keep taking these tests when the results are always the same?

You are a
Social Moderate
(55% permissive)

and an...
Economic Conservative
(61% permissive)

You are best described as a:

Centrist

Link: The Politics Test on OkCupid Free Online Dating

Disturbing dream # 48293

2005-08-02T17:26:54Z

The world was invaded by aliens (the 2nd alien invasion dream I've had in a week) and was devided into territories governed by different "alien" cultural groups. The Chicago area was under the rule of sorcerors. By this time I think the alien invasion dream may have ended and this was a completely different dream, but just for the effect let's say this was the same dream. My family is split up, and I'm with my sister, my mother, and my cousin. I found out by looking at a computerized map that there are only two territories that were taken over by the "aliens" and there was one free territory called Darnassus, marked on the map by a gray silver castle icon. I told my family that we have to get to Darnassus so we can be free but nobody wanted to go with me. I got on my mount and made way for Darnassus and after being chased by evil mobs of sorcerors and Devouring Earth* I reached the sea.

Then I woke up to the Food Network because I left my TV on last night.

*Devouring Earth are a group of creepy looking bad guys from City of Heroes.

womp_rat @ 2005-07-17T00:57:00

2005-07-17T05:57:52Z

Ladies and Gentlemen, the latest in PC cooling technology.

womp_rat @ 2005-07-14T14:14:00

2005-07-14T19:14:30Z

PS

I'm seriously considering quitting everything and going to culinary school.

This would be funny if it wasn't me

2005-07-14T18:58:05Z

I don't care if you believe ADD exists or not, but this pretty much sums up my life.

My therapist suggested that I schedule specific times do work on certain projects so that I don't put them off, and not use ambiguous phrases like "later", "tonight", or "tomorrow" to designate tasks. Instead I should set specifics like "7:00". I was going to give it a try.

Two days later, I remembered that I was supposed to make the schedule, but I specified I was going to do it "when I got home", another ambiguous time. I forced myself to make the schedule right then. I jotted down the times and events on a sheet of paper and packed it away in my backpack for safe keeping.

Two days later while rummaging through my backpack I find the sheet of paper. There was never any follow-through, but instead it was lost in the back of my mind like everything else.

I told myself I was going to bring the paper to work and make copies and tape them up where I know I will see them. Five hours later I remember the schedule THAT I LEFT ON THE COFFEE TABLE BACK AT MY APARTMENT.

There are some things ritalin doesn't help with.

womp_rat @ 2005-07-12T15:20:00

2005-07-12T20:20:35Z

This was money well spent...

womp_rat @ 2005-06-09T10:20:00

2005-06-09T15:21:25Z

My new website is up at http://www.facadeofamericana.com

dilemma

2005-06-02T18:53:22Z

I'm trying to figure out what I should be saving up for... an LCD TV or LASIK surgery.

womp_rat @ 2005-05-23T10:25:00

2005-05-23T15:43:46Z

Holy Hell it's back to LJ.
I'm looking for a new host for my blog since my current host doesn't support the latest version of PHP and they don't allow you to create new SQL databases. So I am moving out of there and looking for a new host. If anyone knows of a good one (possibly with movable type or wordpress already installed) please let me know. I've been busy with my brother's wedding a week ago. I gave a toast speech that made people cry. Why am I cursed with the inherent ability to make people sad?

Revenge of the Sith comments

This isn't a review. All I have to say is all you who demand perfection from a science fiction film need to remember that this is science fiction and it will never be Shakespeare in Love or Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Mind. There need to be special effects, violence, and muppets. There's some kind of cool new trend to rip on everything George Lucas made because he has delusions of cinematic grandeur. Also, ALL love scenes are stupid an unrealistic, no matter what film you're looking at. If you think people spout poetic romantic lines to each other in real life, then you should get your head checked. But forget the love scenes for a minute. George Lucas gave you what you wanted. Epic battle scenes. A target audience slightly older than the last. Lack of Jar Jar Binks. Explanations and tie-ins to the original trilogy. Violence. I have not heard one bad review that wasn't a result of either a short attention span, an exaggerated attention span, or an aversion to anything Lucas or pop culture. So if anyone truly disliked the film, please indulge me.

Wal Mart gives me another reason to hate them

I was trying to avoid Wal-Mart, so Wal-Mart came to me. It was not only in the form of a new store being built close to my parents house, but this was more covert. I was balancing my checkbook this weekend when I noticed my balance was too low. I knew I spent a lot of money on my brother's bachelor party, but this was ridiculous. I checked the balance and noticed a debit of almost $400 charged to my account by Wal-Mart. I tried to remember ever making some kind of debit to Wal-Mart, but I kept returning to the fact that I don't shop there. I had to cancel my saturday morning plans to run to the bank and get an investigation started. It turned out someone wrote a starter check and someone at Wal-Mart accepted the wrong account number. Who the hell accepts starter checks for $400??? I should get the money back in about a week, but who knows what the investigation will turn up. Maybe some redneck got smart and decided to steal my identity because his meth lab wasn't bringing in enough cash.

I got it!

2005-05-06T15:11:28Z

I was driving to work, listening to "Je T'aime" and it hit me.

Judge Dread is the Benny Hill of ska!

Just thought I'd share.

Airplane: Revisited

2005-05-03T17:06:59Z

On the way home from San Diego a woman sat next to me on the airplane. She was an older woman who seemed frightened to be flying. When the plane was about to take off I wasn't allowed to use my mp3 player, so I had to listen to her talk about how she doesn't fly often and she was freaking out. The thought of the plane crashing into a mountain scared her. I was scared she might have the urge to lose control and pee on me and the guy sitting in the window seat like an R Kelly orgy.

I employ a certain strategy at work. A woman sits in the cubicle next to me who seems to forget just about every detail about her job, prompting her to ask me stupid repetitive questions. That's not what bugs me. She asks questions without addressing me specifically so I never know whether or not her inquiries are directed towards me. Another problem is the wet coughing fits she has every once in a while. It's so loud and disgusting people across the office are gagging on their lunches. I resorted to listening to CDs through a pair of headphones to drown her out. It's not a very effective way of blocking her out. The music never completely drowns her out, but at least with the headphones on I can pretend not to hear her. She would ask the question three times before she stands up to make sure I'm actually at my desk, but all I do is stare at the computer. Sometimes I initiate a head-bob to make it look like i'm so absorbed in the music that I am oblivious to the world around me.

I used the same technique on the airplane. Every time the woman would talk to me, I would pretend I didn't hear her. I'm so drowned out by the loud droning of the airplane, by Stiff Little Fingers playing through the headphones, and by having a book to bury my face in, that I could pretend to not hear her speak. She finally caught me when I got up to use the bathroom. I have a few things to say about airplane lavatories later.

The lady started talking about how she is on her way to Ohio because her father is dying and wants to see her before he dies. I hated to ignore her after that. She probably just needed someone to talk to, but what else was I supposed to say? I struck up a conversation with her out of guilt. It was an awkward moment where I just didn't have the heart to say, "Well, time to read my book and listen to my music again! Hope everything is ok with that dying father thing!" Eventually she dozed off.

* Regarding airplane lavatories... I don't understand how anyone could become part of the "mile high club" unless they're 3 feet tall and very skinny. I could barely aim when I take a piss in there. And another thing I was always afraid of in airplane lavatories: having my intestines accidentally sucked out by the flush mechanism. I don't know where all the waste goes when the toilet is flushed, but I can tell you the suction is so strong the door to the lavatory actually rattles. One of these days someone is going to die from a freak toilet suction accident.

You people post too many pictures.

2005-04-28T16:47:38Z

Day 3 since the last cockroach sighting.

I'm starting to beleive that the cockroach came out to die. He wasn't moving much. I've seen cockroaches in the past, and they seem to skitter along like a dead leaf blowing along in the wind. This wasn't even a crawl. He sluggishly moved along the tile floor, an easy target for my shoe. He must have been into the boric acid.

If I spot another one of these creatures, I will attempt to capture it alive for scientific study...

Roaches would make cute pets if it weren't for the disease and infestation thing...

2005-04-27T03:30:59Z

Yesterday I went to the Cubs game. I spent much time in February trying to get tickets, and at about 1:00 I went on the Cubs website and I was able to buy some pretty good tickets. Section 118, Row 11. It cost me this week's grocery money, but starving myself for the next 7 days was well worth the drunken shenanigans and a chance to see a win despite being present to watch Chad Fox suffer what is likely a season ending injury.

The only bad spot was when a guy sitting in the row in front of me rest his arms on the seat backs like it was his own sofa in his own family room. His hand came close to dipping into my beer multiple times. I had to refrain from keeping my beer cup in my hands through most of the game. I was in too good a mood to complain, drinking as much as I can at a game for the first time in a long time. Since I didn't have to drive home, it was a good time. Thank God for the Brown Line!

When I arrived back at my apartment I was shocked to see a lone cockroach crawling on the bathroom floor as I sat on my porcelain throne. It was a bit out of reach, and in my drunken stupor I had forgotten to remove my shoes. I hurled my shoe at the intruder with skillful grace. I nearly killed the monster, only managing to smash half of it with my shoe. I finished it off with a swift buffet with my shoe. I gave the poor creep a viking burial in the toilet.

I was freaking out. Though it was just a lone cockroach, it could be a sign that I am surrounded, that the fuckers were living in the walls, in the plumbing, in the ventilation system... in my clothes!

I spent the rest of today cleaning the ktichen and the bathroom, although the kitchen was already close to immaculate. I haven't seen a roach other than this one, and I'm guessing most of his kin are dead from the apartment being sprayed last week. Another possibility is that it hitched a ride on my shoe as I walked home from the Damen el stop.

I didn't want to take any chances and I vaccumed just about every corner of the apartment, except for the dining room. If I see one more of my little visitors I am going to get right on the phone with my landlord to tell her what a crappy job the exterminators did. I'm hoping this is just an isolated incident and people start refusing to come visit, as if I didn't have any friends living close by to begin with.

I would like to announce that I DO NOT HAVE A BUG PROBLEM! So come over and watch the Bulls with me, and we can order a pizza and some wingz, and you can watch me as I shed blood, sweat and tears trying to make sure every crumb is off the floor.

I'm just expecting to come home one day to a million cockroaches doing a musical number singing, "Dave's apartment our home sweet hooooome!"

by popular demand

2005-04-22T03:31:59Z

Meaning one (1) person requested that I post this on Live Journal. Well, Hilary. You asked for it...

Tuesday, April 19, 2005

Too much to chronicle today. I spent the weekend in California and, to a smaller extent, Mexico. But let me begin by talking about the plane ride going there.

It started out fine. I was up and ready at about 4:30 AM since I had to drive all the way to Midway Airport and park in the "economy" lot.

Please note that the term "economy" shouldn't be used to describe a parking lot if they charge as much as I had to pay to park there for 3 days. It's much like the concept of "economy class" airplane tickets. I don't consider it economy if you have to pay $300 for it. In this case I flew Southwest Airlines for the first time. Maybe I should have known this from the beginning, or at least asked, because I had no idea there were no assigned seats. Instead they break you up into three groups: A, B, and C.

If you look at it in a Titanic way, A is the upper class, B is the not-so-upper class, and C is steerage. In this case, the steerage gets seated last, so if you're at the butt end of steerage, you end up sitting next to the unsavory people, or in my case between two really really fat people. I have no other way to describe them in words other than "really really fat".

It's almost cliche. It's something that you would think would only happen on a Seinfeld episode, only less funny. At least it wasn't funny at the time. I would extract a few laughs when telling the story later on. I was literally squashed into a small portion of my own seat because of the folds of fat that were encroaching onto my space. If that wasn't bad enough, the woman, who was sitting on my left, fell asleep. She had no clue of the discomfort she would put me in when she fell asleep and slowly poured her way into my space. I could feel her pillowy body pouring over my arm like an overflowing vat of corn syrup (high fructose).

I tried to demonstrate to others the position I was in. My arms were tucked awkwardly in front of my body like a halfway transformed transformer. To drive the point in further, I was planning on doing bills while on the plane but I couldn't move my arms. I was barely able to hold a book in front of me to read it. I propped the book against the tray table. I considered using my nose to turn the pages.

I debated with my brother afterwards the problems with severely overweight people on airplanes. Should they pay for extra seats or should they have their own "roomier" seats at an extra charge. His argument was that since we pay by the pound to transport objects overseas, it should be the same with passengers. In other words the 50 lbs of extra fat the big person is carrying technically is the same as a less fat person checking an extra bag. We're not allowed to bring large baggage into the cabin, so why should extremely fat people be allowed to carry on the extra fat, especially if it encroaches on other peoples space and makes people less comfortable than they should be.

Conversely, if someone wasn't fat but was just really big, they should be subject to the same rules. I wasn't sure about this. It seemed like watchdog groups would be all over that. I'm not a skinny person, but I'm willing to bet that most skinny people out there, regardless of their politics, deep down feel that they don't want to sit next to Jabba the Hutt on an airplane, especially in coach class.

Now, I wouldn't have cared if I didn't have to be the monkey in the middle. But it was obvious that the two were together. I assumed they were married. This is what happens when two really really fat people get married. They go on airplanes and make people like me very unfomfortable. I understand and appreciate their rights to travel with the rest of society, but the least they could have done was sit together and given the smaller person the aisle seat. After all, they did know each other and were probably married, so I'm sure it would be less awkward for them to be squeezed together like two matzo balls rather than having both of them squeezing me between them. It's common courtesy.

It also may have been common courtesy if they decided to take the Amtrak. Sure it takes two days, but at least they get their own compartments, and they get to view some beautiful scenery.

I guess the moral of the story for me is if you're walking down the aisle of a Southwest Airlines flight, don't be too selective of who you sit next to. I admit I passed up the opportunity to sit next to some seedy-looking, yet smaller, people. This brings up a whole other debate which I will not get into at this moment: Would you rather sit next to a really really fat person or a smelly person.

It also depends on what the smelly person smells like.

Some may notice that I also posted this on here. Since nobody reads any of my crap, I have to post this shit everywhere it needs to be read.